Linda says many excuses for my error, but I will not excuse myself from it. I tell her before I am not best at what she and Irving wish me to do, but ... will myself to be best, and yet I make error.M’kamba will not be so easy with me for this. I hear in my mind her voice telling me how foolish I am. “You listen only to surface,” she says, “you do not look beneath. Always it is needed to look beneath, to pierce through many layers to truth, do not stop at one or two or even more, go all way to. I wasn't gay but female clothes held some sort ofattraction for me and felt right when I wore them. Balancing that was thefear of being found out. I had kept to my bedroom and the thought ofgoing out dressed in public just never entered my head.In the age before computers it was natural for me to think I was the onlyone to have such unnatural urges. After throwing out my meagercollection, then meeting Mary, life became so busy and full of activity Iwas able to push that part of me into a tiny. More

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