Every time I think I want to let it go, I give in and give up and let the pain, not the dominant, act as my master. Will this internal struggle ever e...d for me? It calls out to me in the middle of the night when I am lonely. I can’t believe I actually thanked God for bringing Cassius into my life because he enjoyed giving pain as much as I enjoyed receiving it. It’s a crying shame to say I can not see a day when I will let go of this thrill and rush I get with every infliction of pain to my. So I let him have his nights out with the boys, and I would stay home and wait for him to come home so I could ask him if he had a good time. But his nights out got to be more and more frequent, and last longer and longer. Pretty soon, it was as if we weren't married at all, we just happened to take up space in the same apartment. I started getting on him about it, telling him that I needed a little attention too. Well he took it as nagging, and the fighting began. He wouldn't hit me or. More

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