I was swift and cruel with my punishments and the horrific visual of the slave at my knees, when everyone knew she ate my feces regularly, was a very ...ood deterrent for betrayal. I did not delude myself in imagining that I was well loved and mostly considered myself anathema to any creature with a semblance of morality left in them. The more a man disdained my ways, the more I thought it spoke of his character. Of course I didn’t respect these men or think their morality an attribute they. I felt a few tears stream down my cheeks and then finally I gave up and got ready for bed. I took a valium and closed my eyes trying to clear my mind of its thoughts. I was thinking a little bit of what I heard at group and some about the things Elizabeth had said to me as well. I took a deep breath thinking about next week and then remembered my doctor appointment, why did they need to see me? All I could do is wonder as I wouldnt know anything until I was there. . . . The nurse walked me. More

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