"Hello," I said."Hey babe. How long are you going to be gone?" Monique asked."Not too long. I just have to get a couple of pieces to fix the sprinkler...," I replied."Well, don't be too long. I have your birthday present for you when you get home."My birthday was in a couple of days and I always tell Monique that the only thing I want is birthday sex. So maybe this is the day I will get my present. Needless to say I wasn't in Lowe's very long.I walked into the house expecting Monique to meet me. ”“Don’t tell me you’re in the witness protection program,” she said. That was a stock joke around town. The last time someone new had come to town to live there, a rumor got started that the person was a mobster in the witness relocation program. It turned out the newcomer was the great nephew of the man whose house he moved into. That man, John Haskins, had drunk himself to death, but had left the house to his great nephew. John was eighty-three when he died. His great nephew was sixty-two and. More

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