Mouth-to-god, cross-my-heart, stick-a-needle-in-my-eye, all that shit. I know it’s real, because it is my story.FIRST CUMI was an innocent kid. I wo...’t lie and say I hadn’t ever kissed a girl. I was curious about kissing, and had talked my share of girls into stolen kisses in the garage, or in games of truth-or-dare. However, that is as far as it ever went. I remember one ‘girlfriend’ I had in fifth grade who had just kissed me and said, “I’m not going to have sex with you. My cousin got. He delighted in the fact. Dave’s outlook on life was particularly inexplicable given that both his parents were so full of energy and vitality. You know something's gone wrong with the nature of things when a father tells his son to 'fuck-off, you boring bastard' as he hairs around the garden blasting a football into the flowerbeds while his teenage son stands aghast, shaking his head disapprovingly."No son of mine," he said, semi-seriously. "I knew that when the fucker was born wearing. More

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