I wanted to tell you about our affair and write about the first time as it was so intense. I'd caught him looking at me differently and he had watched...me in the shower but didn't know that I had seen him, I had masturbated letting him watch it was a major turn on especially when he started to wank I found myself wanting him. I tried to ignore how I was feeling and tried not to do anything else to bring on another situation, but it was so hard as he kept looking at me more and sitting with me. I returned to these pages so many times that my simple red journal falls open to the page when I open it. I continued the dream with the guard in the fantasy falling in love with me, sneaking me out, and raising a family with me. Then abruptly my journal entry switches to addressing God. I beg his forgiveness for my sinful thoughts.Lord, why do you torture me—I ask in the lord’s prayer ‘and deliver us not into temptation, deliver us from evil’ it says plainly. Why do I enjoy these dreams?In my. More

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