So I paid for the building and the back taxes for cash up front, then I used it as collateral for the $14,000 renovation cost.My payments on the 10yea... mortgage were just under $200 a month. They were affordable, but were also going to be noticeable. I needed a part time job for sure, maybe even a full time job. I hadn’t worried about the job because I could manage the monthly nut on my pension, if I chose to cook my own meals, hunt and fish for my meat, do all those good old swamp rat things.. My own eyes filled with tears and I looked down and away at the floor because I didn't want her to see me cry and I thought to myself, 'My God, what am I doing? How can I be hurting this woman like this? This woman that I love so much, the mother of my children. I just don't have it in me.' And then I said aloud as I raised my head to look her in the eyes,"I'm sorry Lydia. I can't do this anymore. I don't really want to hurt you. I know you're not really a slut or a whore, and you're right, I. More

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