I?ve done a lot ofgrowing in the past few years, and that?s where thebiggest shifts happened. Who I was after the changeisn?t who I am now. Maturity i... a great thing, agreat, great thing, and I couldn?t really grow upuntil I got to be who I am.All I can tell you is who I am now. My past, well,it?s real, but at a distance in a way that I nevercould have imagined back then. I mean, a thirteenyear old can imagine being twenty-one, but actuallybeing twenty-one is so much different than. He took one look at me and immediately pulled me in the door and dragged me, by the arm into the den, cautioning me not to make too much noise and wake up Johnny at 4:30 a.m.He closed the den door and commenced to scold me like I was still 16 years old. "inconsiderate ... lousy mother ... slut ... little bitch" were just some of the words he used. "Look at yourself!" he yelled.I looked into the full length mirror on the den door and shuddered. I must have still been pretty drunk when I had. More

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