But each time a strength and determination to recover from her self-made unhappiness also showed in her. It gave me a little satisfaction that I was h...ppy to see her on the path to recovery. It also gave me a little dissatisfaction that I could have any empathy with her situation. Basically, the whole thing generated a lot of ambivalence.But that's how life is, isn't it? So little is clear and the consequence of actions taken or not taken are rarely what we expect. All you can do is the best. I’d had a crush on Ryan since I was in grade school but he never seemed to be interested in me “that way”. I’ve known both Ryan and Will since kindergarten, we grew up together and we were all friends. Once we hit high school Will and I began to date. Will was my first boyfriend and the first man I’d had sex with. He was very conservative and we never experimented. What got me thinking about this particular fantasy was something that Will said after our freshman year in college. One night. More

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