This strategy of denial helped me get to sleep Thursday night and made me feel great the next day at school. I studied hard in class and even chatted ...ith Melissa a little bit between the classes we shared. It felt good to return to my old ways of behaving-- I was even wearing panties for the first time in weeks-- and I decided that after doing my homework when I got home I would get rid of the Book of Sins and any other evidence of my former, wicked ways. I would burn them, I decided, the book. Was I the problem?It turned out that I was, or it was my sperm count. I didn’t have one. The doctor said I had testiclar azoospermia. That meant that my balls were defective and produced almost no sperm cells. I was devastated and felt like a failure at being a man. God had put me on the Earth to do one thing, and I couldn’t do it. How could I tell Cindy that I would never be able to give her children? I was so humiliated. I couldn’t bring myself to reveal my failure to her. So, I kept the. More

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